r/Tinder 14d ago LOVE! 1 Silver 5 Helpful 10 Wholesome 22

please give me your best response. don’t want to fck this up i’m in love

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47.0k Upvotes

23.1k

u/Legitimate_Ad_3199 14d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy Bravo! LOVE! Starry Ally Narwhal Salute Bravo Grande! Wearing is Caring Endless Coolness Crab Rave

“I asked for my icebreaker to be rare but you’ve provided something that’s very well done”

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u/LordEightBit 14d ago

You get an award you smooth son of a bitch

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u/healthydoseofsarcasm 14d ago

He's a.. smoooooth criminal.

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u/whoweoncewere 14d ago

How long did this take? Were you standing in the shower for half an hour linking of a reply? be honest

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u/Legitimate_Ad_3199 14d ago Silver

30 seconds, but to be fair I was already thinking about what steak I want for dinner tonight…

539

u/Kneel_The_Grass 14d ago

Like two trains passing in the night

227

u/truthlesshunter 14d ago

Two stoned birds.

107

u/Seeitsthere 14d ago

Yeah get two birds stoned at once.

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u/random_af21 13d ago

Damnit Ricky.

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u/Mishmello 13d ago

Ya’ll are just beating off a dead horse at this point

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u/danblock12 13d ago

Keep your friends close and take your enemies toaster... Looks like we gotta take Julian's toaster

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u/HungoverHippy42 14d ago

Place in thy pipe and smoke

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u/SinTron99 14d ago Gold Helpful Wholesome Ally

This guy fucks

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u/compensationrequired 14d ago Helpful

fuck off russ

131

u/ThongJuicer 14d ago

Hahahaha just finished watching this show. Russ was painful but also hilarious

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u/Fat_Sow 14d ago

3 comma club!

I'd argue the actor was more cringe in The Office.

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u/Ayham_abusalem 14d ago

I felt like the actor was having the time of his life playing this character

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u/starmartyr11 14d ago

Russ was based on Mark Cuban, which I can totally see

But also the dude who plays him, Chris Diamantopoulos, has been in so many varied roles, you should look him up!

I was shocked that he was the big baddie in Red Notice (other than his ridiculous accent), but either way the guy is quite the chameleon

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u/Excellent_Salary_767 14d ago

I didn't know he was Johnny Spells

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u/IamEpsilon01 14d ago

Johnny doesn't fuck

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u/DismantlerX 14d ago

You're telling me that guy doesn't fuck?

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u/skeltorsays_what 14d ago

This guy knows stuff

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u/Blair-AtACost 14d ago

My panties are already on the floor

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u/biggnic_91 14d ago

That is the best response possible and I don’t even have to look at any others

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u/lizbee018 14d ago

faints

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u/YoungRush55 14d ago

This response fucks

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u/justsayin01 14d ago

This is the best answer

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u/commanderfshepard 14d ago

Wow. While it makes no sense in the context of the drink …this response gets my enthusiastic vote. Good luck OP!

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u/Lukkra 14d ago

What a response

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u/Gxl4 14d ago

This guy fucks

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u/h_montoya 14d ago

This one! Absolutely

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u/TheAccountIUseForSax 14d ago Silver Wholesome

Ask for the manager

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u/yourwitchergeralt 14d ago

And then proceed to tell the manager amazing this “employee” is.

Assuming she doesn’t unmatch immediately.

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u/Lord_Sehoner 14d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Starry Take My Power

"Thanks, you too!"

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u/LameSaint00 14d ago

Almost downvoted due to the secondhand shame and embarrassment. Totally underrated comment!

610

u/The_Geo_Modernist 14d ago

"SEE YOU IN CHEMISTRY!" Slams door in future girlfriend's face

74

u/Lower_Ad_5101 14d ago

I had a huge crush on Mandy, smart, clever and badddd

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u/throwawayyyyy272272 14d ago

DRAKEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

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u/whutchamacallit 14d ago edited 14d ago

As a former waiter, I assure it has gone in one ear and out the other by the time we've turned our back.

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u/FblthpLives 14d ago

This always happen to me at the airport:

Staff at check-on counter: "Have a nice flight!"

Me: "You too!"

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u/throwaway999bob 14d ago

Man idegaf anymore, like ill just do this to mess with people. When I stop at Wawa in the morning before work sometimes I'll throw a "Thanks, have a good night!" to see if the cashier notices. They honestly don't most of the time

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u/referents 14d ago

… you think they give a fuck?

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u/buttsnake360 14d ago

Can confirm. Am bartender. Hear this every day. I just laugh because I can see how dumb people feel about saying it and I've found laughing it off makes them feel better. Also being a bartender I can be more of an asshole than a server can.

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u/PointingFingers12276 14d ago edited 14d ago

I used to work at a drive-in holiday light show and whenever someone responded to “Enjoy the lights!” with “You too!” and looked embarrassed, I’d reply “Nothing wrong with a bit of reflexive kindness. Have a great night!”

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u/DatSauceTho 14d ago

Truly a kind response! Well done.

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u/Hippofuzz 14d ago

That’s a great response

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u/USERNAME___PASSWORD 14d ago

I was one letter away from asking for her manager

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u/geardluffy 14d ago

lmao I felt this too

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u/xzibitek 14d ago

Came here to say this lol

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u/Lord_Sehoner 14d ago

Saw it scrolling.

Most common response by socially awkward people is, "Thanks, you too!"

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u/vagueveracity 14d ago

I've been going to the gym almost daily for months. Some people tell me to have a nice day, but sometimes they switch it up with 'have a good workout,' this is my response to either out of reflex and I hate it.

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u/asm0991 14d ago

It works for either, right? You must be getting in pretty good shape

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u/woobeelygoobeely 14d ago

unless they are the gym's receptionist lol

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u/seeyatt 14d ago

"Fin"

roll credits

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u/pies_r_square 14d ago

Meta and recursive?

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u/NotAFederales 14d ago

That was my first reaction. But I think I like

"Honey, sit down, the waiter is coming"

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u/stressl3ss 14d ago

Order a martini shaken, not stirred for her to see who is talking to.

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u/qwertytrewqc 14d ago

“Hang on, I’m posting this on Reddit to get the perfect response so I don’t fuck this up”

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u/profdudeguy 14d ago Helpful Take My Energy

Oh look this guy posted about me on Reddit!

checks post history

Nvm

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u/kinkyklutz 14d ago

Lol that is some sus post history. Should've used an alt my guy.

177

u/SimsAttack 14d ago

It’s been a wild 53 days for my guy here

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u/tingly_legalos 14d ago

"I should kill myself"

"oh wtf was I on, I just needed to bust a nut lmao"

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u/anothersadthrowaway- 14d ago

Sometimes a nut is all you need to see things clearly

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u/FBGAnargy 14d ago

Postnot clarity do be hitting doe

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u/Dr_Cocknose 14d ago

Fuck me, what a wild ride

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u/More_Refrigerator561 14d ago

Holy fuck you weren’t kidding 😭

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u/us1838015 14d ago

Well I guess Omegle is not dead

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u/soumya_af 14d ago

Neither is OP (thankfully)

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u/Experiunce 14d ago

"Hmm, let me see what this guy is talk- OH LAWD"

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u/pantless_vigilante 14d ago

Oh shit dude lol

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u/Ill-Currency-1867 14d ago

This guy needs to write a self help book. He went from suicide to tiddies in a matter of days

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u/[deleted] 14d ago Helpful

Just do what all the other highly intelligent youth these days do. Say the word, “bet”

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u/anoyn12244271651 14d ago

Can someone explain to me what this means? Someone said it the other day and I have no idea haha

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u/cactuswhacktus 14d ago

"Yuh" "Yeah" "For sure" etc

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u/AGunShyFirefly 14d ago

I think its a one syllable way of saying "you can bet on it"

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u/Neuchacho 14d ago

They shortened "you bet" to "bet".

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u/tkwalnut 14d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Starry

Waiter! There is a cute girl in my DM's

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u/Internet_Adventurer 14d ago Helpful

"Oh, I'm sorry sir. I'll make sure it's taken out right away"

*unmatches*

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u/AnyOfThisReal-_- 14d ago

Lmfao that’d be awesome. Fell for it!

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u/DatSauceTho 14d ago

“Congratulations, you just played yourself.”

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u/theotheroa 14d ago

Yesssss!!! Best response!!

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u/highbrowapollo 14d ago

"Ma'am, this is a Target."

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u/FreeWilly2 14d ago

Sir, this is a Wendy's

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u/ComprehensiveFalcon4 14d ago

Okay.. Okay. Could I just have a Frosty and a baked potato please.

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u/SolidArk 14d ago

Stutter your thanks then spill it in your lap

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u/DontGetClintoned 14d ago

And leave some of the ladies for the rest of the world.

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u/Bravo2zer2 14d ago

She messaged first?

You're good-looking, say literally anything.

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u/nomangojuice 14d ago

nah i’m ugly asf. she’s cute asf tho

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u/ChipChipington 14d ago

Lying ass

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u/Bravo2zer2 14d ago

'Thank you. Hang on.....you forgot my side order of cute girl's number.'

Replace cute with something more appropriate, whatever word you youths use nowadays.

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u/Various-Occasion-478 14d ago Silver Helpful

Big batty gyal

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u/_Jvson_ 14d ago

Bomboclaaat this is the way

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u/Controversial_lemon 14d ago

Big bundalebger

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u/hm3105 14d ago

nah i’m ugly asf

Ok now you are just fishing for compliments

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u/Alv09 14d ago

That’s Cap, stop giving guys on this subreddit hope

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u/bit_banging_your_mum 14d ago

checks notes

This guy's breaking rules 1 and 2, chief.

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u/RookieMistake101 14d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Starry

Exactly what I ordered, it’s perfect.

Could I also get an entree of witty response with a side of your number?

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u/StratuhG 14d ago

Cringe.
And not self aware, playful cringe like her message. This is trying to be cool and suave, but remarkably bad at it, cringe.

Step one: Definitely don't take advice on talking to girls from the masses of reddit.

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u/BreweryBuddha 14d ago

Apparently this sub thinks this is a good response.

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u/throwt4653656 14d ago

it's so cringe she's blockin the bloke

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u/notjustforperiods 14d ago

to be fair there's not a lot of good responses offered to jerk off to and this sub always has to jerk off to something

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u/StratuhG 14d ago

Right, wtf?

This is cringe, but not self aware, playful cringe like her message.
This is trying to be cool and suave, but remarkably bad at it, cringe.

Step one: Definitely don't take advice on talking to girls from the masses of reddit.

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u/BreweryBuddha 14d ago

Guy literally just copied what she wrote without adding anything or being witty in any way, and asked for her number immediately. It's amazing that the responses are "woah I could never be this smooth"

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u/HorseJungler 14d ago

Literally makes no sense to me why everyone is so obsessed with getting a phone number ASAP. Like, have some conversation and then just ask. Because you move from tinder text to phone number text doesn’t do anything.

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u/TheRealStevo 14d ago

The only one I don’t think would work, her message is weird but this just… no

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u/Classical_Mixture 14d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Giggle

Actually I ordered the iced latte with breast milk i mean breast milk i mean breast milk sorry i mean breast milk i mean breast milk I mean

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u/He-Who-Laughs-Last 14d ago

Damn you auto erect, I mean eject, ejaculate, breast milk

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u/CultOfMoon 14d ago

This guy ejaculates breastmilk

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u/SabastianG 14d ago

This is the way

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u/guachitonico 14d ago

Deceased

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u/cellotinaa 14d ago

Why is this so funny omg!

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u/AmIRadBadOrJustSad 14d ago Silver Helpful Take My Energy

"The reason it took me so long to reply is because I literally went on Reddit to ask for help crowdsourcing a suitable response and this is the best we came up with. So as you can see, I'm quite a connoisseur of awkwardness.

Also sit on my face and ruin my life (respectfully)."

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u/Lanthemandragoran 14d ago

Yeah but then she's gonna look up his profile and find all the weird furry porn. Which could go one of at least two ways I suppose.

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u/TheSeventhLLama 14d ago

The fact that it's all omegle porn isn't far off

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u/bradsinspace 14d ago

I didn’t believe you.

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u/DatSauceTho 14d ago edited 14d ago

Wait… seriously?

EDIT: lmao well okay then, I stand corrected

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u/_solounwnmas 14d ago

Fuck me there I go looking at this dude's profile

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u/Neuchacho 14d ago

I'm torn between this making it worse or better or some sort of better-worse.

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u/Lanthemandragoran 14d ago

Oh.....shit..... Ha. That worked out nicely.

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u/dirty1809 14d ago

Wow is Omegle porn actually videos of random people sexting on Omegle who might not know they’re being recorded? Gotta be fake right?

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u/TheSeventhLLama 14d ago

yeah for sure, it's just porn with the omegle border and some Marr up texts, if you read them you'll see they don't make a ton of sense

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u/Taytaystaysane 14d ago edited 14d ago

Yeah right after his first post is best way to commit suicide and every single comment is removed 🙃

Edit: I won’t remove what I said because that’s how I cope with deep pain and I think it’s good to see how some people like me joke vs how they think

Like commenter said we really hope you’re doing good OP

Life is not easy

But it is worth fighting for and we want you to be happy I’ve been depressed and suicidal most of my life but leaving your loved ones in pain is wrong and if you feel unloved it’s a natural response when calculating too much at once but there are people out there who just want you to exist and be happy. Stay strong.

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u/TheSeventhLLama 14d ago

sounds like a cry for help tbh hope he's okay,

hope you're okay op

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u/Valagoorh 14d ago

Yeah okay, you won Tinder for today. Please go home now and let us ordinarily mob keep trying.

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u/Elastichedgehog 14d ago

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u/jamesaw22 14d ago

I'm irked this isn't called r/edditmoment

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u/save_video 14d ago

Nonononono, we don't use the r/ for the name

I'm only saying this because I just got back from r/ape

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u/GuyWithNoEffingClue 14d ago

"I know, I saw my picture in r/all and was the one who came up with this answer"

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u/Drum_harder 14d ago

Idk tell her you ordered a rootbeer or something lol

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u/nomangojuice 14d ago edited 13d ago

tf is a rootbeer i’m from switzerland

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u/Sexybeast3031 14d ago

You don't have Google in Switzerland?

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u/albertus500 14d ago

The fuck, people on tinder here speak english ?

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u/El_Tio_Pucho 14d ago

Que es Tinder? Yo uso Badoo

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u/Deskjet9000 14d ago

何?お前はもうしんでいる。

  • pretends to be yakuza *

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u/nomangojuice 14d ago

dude i‘m dying

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u/Deskjet9000 14d ago

Then you use broken English and blackmail her for her phone number.

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u/Enigma_Stasis 14d ago

Omae wa mou shindeiru.

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u/jmac12346 14d ago

“Can I offer you an egg in these trying times?”

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u/lavapopcicles 14d ago

Can I offer you an egg in these frying times?

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u/mercynuts 14d ago Silver

You're a waiter? Let me give you a tip then. I'm great on dates

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u/Brave-dino 14d ago

It was good to me, man!

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u/n4rcissistic 14d ago

You had me at giving me your tip...

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u/mercynuts 14d ago

Just the tip?

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u/n4rcissistic 14d ago

The tip says, "I love you."

The rest says that you love me more.

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u/Bigggie204 14d ago

Thank you, I don't need a menu i already know I want you

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u/TheRealYago 14d ago Gold Wholesome

Just ask if it's gluten free awkwardness and if its been ethically sourced. See where it goes. Who cares anyway, if they like you, they'll like you. If they don't, they won't.

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u/DoIt2It 14d ago

“Ummmm, I’m sorry, but I ordered a dirty pick up line.”

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u/PrimexiCAN1980 14d ago

Uh, I,asked for the side of WEIRDNESS.TAKE IT BACK

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u/WeakSeaworthiness152 14d ago

Hi pretends to be customer So I guess you just want the tip now right?

Maybe it’s too soon for penis jokes

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u/nomangojuice 14d ago

yeah thought the same good one tho

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u/WeakSeaworthiness152 14d ago

Maybe something like no you must me confused I’m your waiter.. because I’ve been waiting for you all my life

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u/Lizzbetha 14d ago

Would you like fries with that cheese?

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u/Enlight13 14d ago

"Good Evening. I'd usually ask for the special but I see you're already here."