r/Unexpected 13d ago

Great day for a boardwalk ride

80k Upvotes

u/unexBot 13d ago

OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:

The girl got poomfed in the face by a bird and the bird got poomfed in the face by the girl.


Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.


Look at my source code on Github What is this for?

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u/keztwo 13d ago

The way she grabs it and throws it away, genuine disgust lmao that’s too funny 😂

7k

u/100_Donuts 13d ago edited 13d ago

And the thing is, that bird knows that that's the fling zone. That sucker flings all day long and birds know not to fly in the fling zone, but wud that bird do? It flew directly into the fling zone and got pinned and got flung. Fly in the flinger and get yer wings pinned. The thing is, you can't fly with fling pinned wings. Go on. Flap a fling pinned wing. Flick those feathers. There's no flapping pinned winged full of frozen feathers in the flinger. Don't fly in the fling zone, kid.

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u/somesortoflegend 13d ago

Didn't know Dr Seuss was on reddit.

1k

u/Hexorg 13d ago

No, that's Bill Cosby

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u/FancySkull 13d ago

Now that he's out of prison, it could very well be.

151

u/Lost-My-Mind- 13d ago

What??? Why is he out of prison???

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u/runswithclippers 13d ago

From what I gathered, they used his testimony from the civil court as evidence against him in the criminal court, violating his fifth amendment right to not testify against himself. That could be 100% wrong though.

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u/Agent_Eran 13d ago

This is the right answer.

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u/officialbearr 13d ago

Sounds like something bill would say

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u/That-Ad-4300 13d ago

A bit surprising for Reddit

38

u/Pizza_Ninja 13d ago

I don't know anything about it either but that doesn't sound like it should be a thing. If he gave a testimony under oath to a court that should absolutely be admitted as evidence.

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u/a_lonely_trash_bag 13d ago

The problem is, when he made that testimony, the court specifically told him that it could never be used against him in a criminal case. Because legally, it couldn't be. That's the only reason he agreed to testify during that civil case.

The prosecution fucked up big time. There was a decent amount of other evidence, but because the prosecution included evidence that they legally couldn't, the whole case is thrown out the window.

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u/Asgersk 13d ago edited 13d ago

This is the thing i love about reddit. We can go from "Girl gets hit by bird" to "why bill Cosby got out of prison" in like 5 comments.

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u/up9trees 13d ago

This guy does a really good job explaining why that testimony was tossed out and breaking down the results in general

https://youtu.be/CjrWI_zxG6A

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u/Pizza_Ninja 13d ago

It does make more sense. Still hate it.

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u/AreTheWorst625 13d ago

He admitted to the rapes under a non prosecution agreement with the DA. That da’s successor said “eff that! Dude admitted to all these rapes” he’s going to prison. Then a higher court overturned the sentence because the second DA didn’t honor their predecessor’s agreement.

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u/Pizza_Ninja 13d ago

The agreement shouldn't have covered the other girls though.

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u/Ancient-Lime4532 13d ago

yup.... now hopefully hes so old and blind he cant let his Fat Albert touch anymore womens uh JELL-O NOW.

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u/prickwhowaspromised 13d ago

Because he’s rich

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u/Coyote__Jones 13d ago

Rich = good appeal attorneys to look over the minutia of your case, so yes technically you're correct.

But basically the prosecution shit the bed.

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u/FreeganKing 13d ago

Nah, the lawyer botched it.

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u/TheOnceAndFutureTurk 13d ago

This is the right answer.

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u/NorweiganJesus 13d ago

Because in 2005 the supreme court decided not to go after Cosby in court. Since you can't be tried twice for the same crime, they let him go (or something to that effect)

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u/feedmeyouravocados 13d ago

O yea it’s called double Jeopardy

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u/Roartype 13d ago

Do do do do do do do dooooo “The categories are: Potpourri…”

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u/Ichgebibble 13d ago edited 13d ago

That this happened is just jaw dropping. I shouldn’t be surprised, of course he got away with it. Of GD course he did because he’s rich and our system has some effed up rules and loopholes with no manual override. I keep thinking that the slog of process is still moving forward, but nope.

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u/silversurger 13d ago

Of GD course he did because he’s rich

In this case? Not really. It certainly helped putting a defense team together, but ultimately he got off because the prosecution completely botched the case.

and our system has some effed up rules and loopholes with no manual override.

Trump just got out of office and has shown you how incredibly powerful and dangerous "manual overrides" can be - yet here we are, not even a year later, and you're calling for them. I'll just say this: If you implement it, it will be abused. In both directions.

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u/Daniel2743 13d ago

How do we know the prosecution didn’t fuck up intentionally? Money can flow both ways, to his defence team, or the prosecution team.

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u/Splickity-Lit 13d ago

Pennsylvania Supreme Court, for clarification.

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u/ppw23 13d ago

Money, money, money. Plus, the system doesn’t give AF about women and children being victims of sexual assault or abuse. They talk a good game, but statistics show otherwise. If he were caught with drugs or not paying the IRS, sure, serve your full sentence. Danger to a large segment of society, ahh time served and some probation.

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u/RiotPenguin 13d ago

Bippity boppity, zippity zoppity

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u/Same-Joke 13d ago

You got to lick the pigeon pudding pops.. made with real pigeon, cause that’s what moms like.

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u/Ichgebibble 13d ago

And kids prefer

8

u/ADHDSquirrel007 13d ago

Zippity Zoppity-Zoup! I'm gonna put a Ruphie in this girl's soup!

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u/sapere-aude088 13d ago

"I love puddin; puddin my dick where it don't belong!"

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u/minnecrapolite 13d ago

If it was Bill Cosby he would have hit her tits instead.

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u/NapClub 13d ago

hey hey hey yaknow i like the donuts but they don't GIVE you enough in the box, so i ordered A HUNDRED DONUTS! then you gotta dip the donut, inn the pudding.

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u/sgm94 13d ago edited 13d ago

Nah this person pitter patters and gets at ‘er

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u/Slithy-Toves 13d ago

'er

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u/sgm94 13d ago

Damn auto correct

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u/Linkruleshyrule 13d ago

I was getting Charlie Kelly vibes.

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u/Hefty_Tendy 13d ago

The first couple sentences felt very George Costanza, then it transitioned to full-Letterkenny.

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u/ButtonyCakewalk 13d ago

Charlie does know his bird law.

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u/LATourGuide 13d ago

Definitely not Dr Seuss, I'm hearing Vinny the Guido dog from Family Guy.

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u/Nutasaurus-Rex 13d ago

I was getting more Rick from Rick/Morty vibes tbh

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u/PoopiePancakes 13d ago

I will not fling it on a boat

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u/Schwight_Droot 13d ago

I told myself not to keep reading, but I kept reading. I guess I can fling you an upvote for your troubles at least.

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u/bigkeef69 13d ago

Got a letterkenny vibe from this 😌🤣🤷‍♂️

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u/Undercover_Chimp 13d ago

Allegedly.

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u/bigkeef69 13d ago

Heard it was a sick ostrich. But almost not worth thinkin aboot

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u/Xianthamist 13d ago

Get this guy a fucking puppers

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u/Squirreling_Archer 13d ago

Re-reading it in Wayne's voice made it even funnier

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u/JohnnyCakes814 13d ago

This is the best Reddit comment I’ve ever read

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u/almostambidextrous 13d ago

If you haven't already, I'd recommend going into their profile and sorting their comments by "Top"

Edit: for example

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u/mepulixer 13d ago

I am too drunk to understand exactly what you said, but it seemed funny, so I’m saving your comment to be confused about later.

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u/greasy_420 13d ago

Foolish fucker failed flipping feathers for flying, finally flinging it's filthy foul feathery flappers farewell.

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u/Gseventeen 13d ago

"I think you should leave" vibes. Enjoyed it

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u/PRoS_R 13d ago

As a person with english as his second language, i can say that i fainted 3 times trying to compreend this.

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u/shot_a_man_in_reno 13d ago

Can you be the godfather to my children?

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u/it_helper 13d ago

Bird flew in fling zone. She flinged the bird. Mission accomplished.

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u/Rudy_Colludiani 13d ago edited 13d ago

We both know perfectly well what this is about.

You want me to get an abortion.

11

u/whererainbowsgo 13d ago

wth did i just read? 🤣 best 20 seconds of my day so far

11

u/FigNugginGavelPop 13d ago

Yup, this is one of those legendary one’s, that makes folks like and still keep using Reddit, it’s because of comments like that, that we can’t just simply leave reddit.

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u/KindBass 13d ago

Pin the wing, get the fling. Everyone knows this.

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u/FadedFromWhite 13d ago

The longer I read, the more I laughed. Couldn't stop doing either.

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u/bruhfin_ 13d ago

Feeling like a rap god?

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u/fishbethany 13d ago

She flipped the bird.

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u/siamkitty1 13d ago

her brain could not decide which horror she needed to process first .. sling shot or bird attack ..

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u/keepeasy 13d ago

Totally! Haha

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u/FriskyCobra86 13d ago

"I ordered cornish hen goddamit!"

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u/IngeniousMoron 13d ago

"Honey, you've got some food on your face"

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u/ryanegauthier 13d ago

What are you serving to the customers you donkey! It's raw! You're gonna kill someone you stupid donkey!

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u/HandsomeDim 13d ago

I would imagine the pigeon also had a similar reaction as well. "This human ran into me, and then toss me around like random trash!"

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u/GamsusDesign 13d ago

*seagull

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u/Willrrrrr 13d ago

Bruh, she aged from 20 to 35 before and after

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u/MessyRoom 13d ago

“Oh god that’s a bird!”

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u/EotEaH 13d ago

Seagull to the trachea. That’s some final destination shit.

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u/whosgotdatpiss 13d ago

If a fucking seagull pierced my neck and killed me I'd just accept it, clearly something powerful wants me dead

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u/pryjar 13d ago

There's people who believe that you set up various "exit points" throughout your life and when your soul is done here on Earth, it simply takes an exit point.

Seagull in the neck is 100% an exit point.

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u/Father_Chewy_Louis 13d ago

That is like something from Travelers

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u/CandySunset27 13d ago

I just started that show! I just finished episode 8.

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u/DA_1515 13d ago

My Taco Bell addiction is an exit point too ✋🏾😔

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u/Coolrafid100 Expected It 13d ago

Well the tacos clearly leave an exit point

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u/getawayfromemesteve 13d ago

it's not a question of if, but when. expecting the /r/unexpected

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u/ASIWYFA 13d ago

Taco Bell is absolute shit. Every time I eat there I wonder why I did. The amount of meat and veg on the tacos and nachos is a joke. I used to love going to TB but in the last few years they have REAAALLY said fuck it and put practically nothing on their food. It's basically taco shell and a measly 2oz of filling.

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u/Tyetus 13d ago

Everything on the TB menu is basically the same thing, just wrapped up different.

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u/AudZ0629 13d ago

Beefy cheesy death awaits

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u/MaleficTekX 13d ago

What if I defy such an exit point

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u/Harmlessbm 13d ago

Hmm, the next time I die, I'll try not accepting it!

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u/Tiger_Yu 13d ago

Can confirm, it works

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u/bigkeef69 13d ago

Wife is confused, she tried to deepthroat a pigeon. Awaiting further instructions 🤣

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u/PaniqueAttaque 13d ago

You have sinned against the Seagull God.

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u/BrandoSapien 13d ago

Seagulls gonna come

Poke me in the trachea

And they did

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u/relddir123 13d ago

And they did

Got me going round like

blublublublublublublub

blublublublublublublub

blublublublublublublub

Nothing I could do but blub

When these birds attacked me

Now my throat is covered in blood

And I really can’t speak

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u/F_Levitz 13d ago

Rockin'

Rockin' N rollin'

Down to the beach I'm strollin'

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u/Shmitty-W-J-M-Jenson 13d ago

but the seagulls like at my head

not fun!

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u/WDJam 13d ago

I said, "Seagulls, mmm! Stop it now!"

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u/I_Likka_Do_Da_ChaCha 13d ago

I like to think she was confronting her fear of heights and then was simultaneously forced to reconcile her phobia of birds at the same time

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u/Rafaguli 13d ago

I've actually read a case like that, but was a dove and the guy was driving a motorcycle.

He drove for 10 kms before fainting. The driver survived.

Edit: source: https://g1.globo.com/mt/mato-grosso/noticia/2021/04/28/motociclista-tem-garganta-perfurada-por-passaro-em-mt-percorre-9-km-com-ave-no-pescoco-desmaia-e-e-socorrido.ghtml

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u/BugsRFeatures2 13d ago

Bird on your face

You big disgrace

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u/Classic_Jimmy_007 13d ago

Gett’n your feathers all over the place!

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u/Slippy_T_Frog 13d ago

We will, we will, flock you, flock you...

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u/balanceofpower 13d ago

Fling it!

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u/Lost-My-Mind- 13d ago

This whole series of comments has me laughing like a babboon at the baggage area of the airport. People are standing around waiting for their luggage, gkving me weird looks. They think I lost my mind...

..........wait a minute........

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u/timmyboyoyo 13d ago

Username check out

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u/Smol-Vehvi 13d ago

We will, we will, flock you, flock you...

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u/-Masderus- 13d ago

Buddy you're a young bird, hard bird

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u/Damaged_Goods_Bin 13d ago

Shitting in the street gonna take on the world some day

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u/Yeetboi287 13d ago

Bird on your face

You big disgrace

I feel like we’ve already been in this place…

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u/AMAhittlerjunior 13d ago

Alright!

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u/TheFutureGamer0549 13d ago

We will ,we will , flock you

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u/unequivocalotter 13d ago

I would’ve gone with pluck you

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u/PanPiePid2 13d ago

Buddy your a bird man, gull man

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u/ThunderStray 13d ago

something something i don’t know the lyrics

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u/Damnmorrisdancer 13d ago

You will your will know it.

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u/hummingbird1969 13d ago

Flying bird will clock you…

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u/Brut4llyHonest Expected It 13d ago edited 13d ago

hey i’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s- what are you doing? AHHH

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u/ALB_PFB 13d ago

These damn companies being so creative to get my attention today

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u/xmuertos 13d ago

Cackled out loud at this comment

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u/April_Spring_1982 13d ago

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u/andyv001 13d ago

That slow-mo absolutely cracked me up

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u/prumbeljack 13d ago

That half high five about killed me. YEAH MAN THIS IS AWESOME! Errr... no...pretends to be scratching beard

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u/BalooBot 13d ago

It happened to Fabio in the 90s. It was front page news at the time.

https://youtu.be/OjAYxpXUklc

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u/SnooBooks3068 13d ago

I love how this is a thing. “Today I learned…not to sit in the front seat of amusement park rides”

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u/lukeamaral 13d ago

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u/segagamer 13d ago

What kind of crap was that filmed on lol

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u/throwaway1138 13d ago

/u/mrpderp posted literally this exact same comment with the exact same language. Did one of you shamelessly copy the other? Are you both bots? I’m so confused, and more than a little disturbed. Reddit is so fucking creepy these days with the karma farms I swear to god.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/op1l1h/comment/h62ltjc/

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u/BalooBot 13d ago

Weird. I'm thinking they're a bot. Despite me being the one with bot in my username.

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u/mrpderp 13d ago

Truth is I copy and pasted u/baloobot comment above where, I believe, it was misplaced. I did this because someone asked for the link. Apologize for not giving credit

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u/SnooBooks3068 13d ago

Dude’s like “bro, did you see that?!”

Dude’s bro: “I can’t hear anything that you’re saying…just enjoy the ride!”

Dude: “welp, I’ll just throw my hands back up in the air and pretend that everything is fine”

Bird: “god damn that fucking hurt!”

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u/A_Random_Sith 13d ago

Wtf man the bird literally bled in his face

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u/DipYoChip 13d ago

That video broke me

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u/jojopriceless 13d ago

Between this and the OP, I've legit been laughing for like 20 mins

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u/Oceanixe 13d ago

I like how he casually enjoys the ride afterwards

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u/fuzzypickletrader 13d ago

And now it's 2am and I'm down the rabbit hole of birds hitting people on rollercoasters

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u/synister29 13d ago

She got the Fabio treatment

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u/erix87 13d ago

Oh that's right! Someone please find that

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u/mrpderp 13d ago

It happened to Fabio in the 90s. It was front page news at the time.

https://youtu.be/OjAYxpXUklc

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u/Mako3303 13d ago

"I Can't Believe It's Not Bloodier"!

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u/mortalwombat- 13d ago

That joke has been 30 years in the making!

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u/Aegi 13d ago

Hahahah he says it's "going to happen again".

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u/lightningusagi 13d ago

I will never forget that the Daily Show headline for that incident was "Goose Goose Duck".

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u/JukeBoxHeroJustin 13d ago

To not reciprocate a hug is fucked up.

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u/Aurora_the_dragon 13d ago

For real. Poor birb just wants to be friends

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u/Darth_Jason 13d ago

“Oh thank god I found you, this is so importa-AHHH!”

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u/sudynim 13d ago

I love that it doesn't phase her. "What is this thing? Whatever. Anyways resuming freak out..."

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u/eclecticsed 13d ago

Hello, not here to be a dick but just to give you a heads up, it's faze, in this situation, not phase.

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u/sudynim 13d ago

You're right! Thank you. I didn't know the difference. Well it looks the bird didn't faze her and she was able to resume her freakout phase.

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u/smithsbha 13d ago

Oooh! In your phace!

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u/Gingerberry92 13d ago

Bird flu patient 0

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u/1-800-LICK-BOOTY 13d ago

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u/vladamir_the_impaler 13d ago

All I can see is your damn username, most-angry-upvote-now

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u/An-Actual-Brick 13d ago

“Oh god it was on my, AAAAAHHHH!”

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u/Mr_Bones2000 13d ago

That’s some quality lip reading! I don’t know the original audio but that’s what it looks like. Never would’ve came to that

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u/Rain_in_Arcadia 13d ago

I thought it was, “Oh god it’s a bird AAAAAH!” but I’m not a lip reader either.

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

[deleted]

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u/iHeartRatties 13d ago

Same. I hope it was okay after.

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u/fignwz 13d ago

I think I saw it flapping its wings toward the end. I really hope at least

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u/boodeedoop 13d ago

One less government spy

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u/DjoooKaplan 13d ago

Seems like there are not many who think like you :(

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u/dorkyhood 13d ago

I don't know why (i like birds in general)....but a bird riding on my face during a rollercoaster ride would literally cause a heart attack. Suicide mission, we're all going down!

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u/BlueberryB-Laine 13d ago

I love how she just throws it off

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u/a9ainstthedeadhand 13d ago

So funny. Her facial expression goes from "ouch" to "damn bird" to "ahhhhhhhh, I'm fallllllling!"

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u/nightstalker30 13d ago

The new Bird Box movie looks lit!

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u/Ball_dUde 13d ago

That was a free pet she just threw away

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u/KeyToCancel 13d ago

Someone could repost this tomorrow and I would still laugh.

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u/Conscious-Proof-8309 13d ago

Step 1: Disembark ride at conclusion

Step 2: Find nearest shower, sink (for brushing teeth);

Step 3: tetanus shot

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u/QuizhoidTheMediocre 13d ago

The bird was just trying to keep her in the seat.

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u/MotherOfSomething 13d ago

Well, that’s one way to flip the bird

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u/shreddedcheese42069 13d ago

I have unlocked a new fear

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u/Sunderent 13d ago

Ahhh, the shape of the mouth. The corners of her mouth point upwards at first, but not after the bird hits.

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u/RetroMetroShow 13d ago

a bird in the hand..

3

u/Classic_Jimmy_007 13d ago

Is worth two in the coaster

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u/dtsupra30 13d ago

BIRD UP

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u/shufflebuffle 13d ago

Legalize Ranch

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u/TennisADHD 13d ago

This is fabioulous

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u/TheSweatyFlash 13d ago

Making Fabio look like a bitch.

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u/AreTheWorst625 13d ago

I feel bad for the girl but That poor bird probably died!!

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u/Soggiest_MobFlip 13d ago

That girl has SO many mites on her hand and face. Source(s): Trust me

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u/acshunter 13d ago

Great, now I can add this to the list of things I didn't know I needed to be nervous about...

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u/yourPWD 13d ago edited 13d ago

Yes! Wildwood is on Reddit! Best boardwalk in the world (IMHO).

3

u/LGpeachlover 13d ago

Lol, props for the way she reacted. Tastes like chicken.