r/memes 14d ago

Source: am canadian

Post image
81k Upvotes

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u/blorgune Professional Dumbass 13d ago

Please stand 1.2 hockey sticks apart

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u/memulousvonthoticous 13d ago

Yet another backwards evolution

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u/elch3w MAYMAYMAKERS 13d ago

Me an Australian, who has upside down evolution

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u/JackTheCookie memer 13d ago

Please stand 9.72 Vegemite jars apart

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u/shunkamunka 13d ago

When I was a kid, in Canada, I used to want to move to Australia sooo badly. I found out the eat Vegemite and marmite there. I got my mom to buy a jar of marmite. I smelled it and almost threw up lol The most I could ever do was take a big whiff and it would make me set heave.

Now as an adult I just find Australia to be a terrifying place full of things that will kill you and I'll probably never go there.

Although I do still want a koala.

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u/JackTheCookie memer 13d ago edited 13d ago

Fyi, almost all koalas have Chlamydia.

They also eat their mothers' shit

Beware of the drop bears if you ever go in the deeper brush.

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u/feed_me_churros 13d ago

TIL my ex is a koala.

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u/perthbator 13d ago

Eats roots shoots and leaves? Put the punctuation where you will.

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u/onetwenty_db 13d ago edited 13d ago

Root shoot boogie

Edit: yo P.S. your comment is really clever

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u/JackTheCookie memer 13d ago

Aye youre making me laugh at work

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u/R6_CollegeWiFi 13d ago

And they’ll drown in the rain, and they burn to death in forest fires because they have no instincts. They are literal smooth brains, they get so little protein they have no wrinkles on their brain. They are LITERALLY the dumbest mammal. They are so dumb, if you take eucalyptus leaves off the branch, they won’t eat them because they only know how to eat off the tree. Their diet is so shitty that they regularly eat fucking dirt, for minerals.

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u/DivideLatter4501 13d ago

If im not mistaken eucalyptus also makes them "drunk" even though that pretty much all they eat.

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u/irielenny 13d ago

yeah, i think thats why they have to sleep so long. the eucalyptus is like poison to them and the have to cope with that and their body deals with it in their sleep

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u/Stahlstaub 13d ago

Since eucalyptus is toxic and they eat their mothers shit to get an antidot and everything its... Well... Comparable to they're on poppy (opium) the whole day...

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u/HTWSSTKS2021 13d ago

Oh don’t worry. The US is full of things that will kill you, we just don’t market them as much as the Aussies market their kangaroos and snakes

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u/Hy911 13d ago

They are called people

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u/StandardSudden1283 13d ago

And mountain lions, bears, boars, gators, crocs, deer, dogs, moose, sharks, snakes, spiders, and wolves

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u/ILoveTuxedoKitties 13d ago edited 13d ago

Elk can also kill or injure you. People underestimate elk and deer as prey animals but they are big heavy creatures that can definitely fuck your shit up.

Generally leave the wild creatures alone when you go out (unless for food-hunting/fishing within designated season and area limits), stay situationally aware, take area-recommended precautions when camping overnight, and leave only footprints.

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u/MarkRick25 13d ago

Yeah but mostly people

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u/SpectacularSophistry 13d ago

As a Canadian in Ontario i am very happy that a herbivore (Moose) is by far the likeliest animal to attack/kill people

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u/Gr0und0ne 13d ago

Marmite’s for the weak. Vegemite gang rise up

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u/Hoisttheflagofstars 13d ago

Only kiwis eat Marmite.

Fuck that shit.

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u/BoredPsion 13d ago

You'd have better luck taming a crocodile than one of those teddy bears with the personality of a chainsaw

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u/LXY2HJW 13d ago

please stand 3 kangaroos apart.

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u/joshatron 13d ago

Please stand 1 large venomous spider apart

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u/AuKF 13d ago

Here a downside up downvote

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u/Admiral_Donuts 13d ago

The Yukon social distancing campaign used

*Four ravens

*333 mosquitoes

*Two Huskies

*20 sourtoe cocktails

*One baby wooly mammoth

And more

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u/chooseatree 13d ago

And a partridge in a pear tree

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u/cosworth99 13d ago

I can tell you’re Canadian. You didn’t say ice hockey.

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u/devdawg31 13d ago

Wait Americans don’t just call it hockey?

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u/nummakayne 13d ago

People might think this is a joke but the city of Toronto actually used “6 feet or 1 hockey stick apart” in signs around city parks. A lot of malls had those banners too.

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u/One-Customer1328 13d ago

Happy cakeday/ Buon Tortedí

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u/RooDad 13d ago

Except I know what a hockey stick is

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u/ImTheMasonSensation 13d ago

Timbit is what you might know as a munchkin from dunking donuts, or a donut hole from other places.

Source- lived in Maine for a year and a half and worked at tim hortons that was connected with a coldstone in Lewiston. Donuts plus ice cream = a lot of fun creations!

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u/SuicidalNomad 13d ago

dunking donuts

You best take that fucking "g" off of there right fucking now, you heretic.

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u/Generalissimo_II 13d ago

The round black thing you hit with a hockey stick is called a timbit

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u/InFarvaWeTrust 13d ago

Please stand here for 45 minutes while we ignore inside customers and focus exclusively on drive-thru.

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u/linzkisloski 13d ago

Hahahah. So accurate. The drive thru is timed and if a car is there more than like 30 seconds there can be hell to pay.

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u/LXY2HJW 13d ago

Please stand 1 moose apart.

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u/Mr_Lumbergh 13d ago edited 13d ago

My car gets 1500 timbits per moosehead and that's how I likes it, eh!

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u/memulousvonthoticous 13d ago

Damn how much moosepower?

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u/carvedmuss8 13d ago

89, at least I would guess, especially if he's using the 93 octane moosegas

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u/memulousvonthoticous 13d ago

And the beavertail spoiler for added downforce

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u/pdswww Identifies as a Cybertruck 13d ago

Damn, how much maple syrup per sorry do you use?

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u/memulousvonthoticous 13d ago

One large timhorton's coffee's worth

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u/carvedmuss8 13d ago

Frisch's Big Boy has entered the chat

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u/TheDiamondGuy13 13d ago

Best thread ever XD I’m also Canadian

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u/Flying_Dutch_Rudder 13d ago

Also Canadian and that was one of the best things I’ve ever read on Reddit.

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u/theUnholyVenom 13d ago

You mean one large double double’s worth

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u/CobaltEchos 13d ago

Now this is the real Canadian question here!

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u/Lepthesr 13d ago

I really want vehicles rated in moose power now

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u/memulousvonthoticous 13d ago

Same, moose representation

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u/pyrotech911 13d ago

You betcha guy!

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u/AnnieJack 13d ago

I love everyone in this thread.

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u/69Chubby_Cox69 One does not simply 14d ago

I live in Canada and at my local timmies I see this every morning lmfao

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u/ShiftDundee 13d ago edited 13d ago

I also live in Canada and I have no idea where you're seeing this

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u/69Chubby_Cox69 One does not simply 13d ago

Are u from Toronto, because that's where I'm from lol.

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u/lilecca 13d ago

We have them in Winnipeg timmies too

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u/Jengofitzpatrick1 13d ago

Halifax tims as well.

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u/Drolo36 13d ago

Same for Montréal

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u/Maverick8787 13d ago

Hamilton too

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u/Badger431 13d ago

Ok so where does this guy live? BC?

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u/celeryfordinner 13d ago

We have them in BC

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u/Jabookalakq 13d ago

Yep prince George timmies has them

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u/Sharkbits 13d ago

I concur, BC is using ST units

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u/Demon_Slayer_9 13d ago

I’m not far I’m on Oakville

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u/pornhub2198 13d ago

burlington as well

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u/blunsandbeers 13d ago

“Timmies” lmaooo Canadian slang is so dorky I love it

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u/memooky 13d ago

We also call McDonalds McDicks so ya it goes to extremes no inbetweens

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u/leaklikeasiv 13d ago

I call KFC “dirty bird”

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u/halfofwhat 13d ago

We do? I always call it McDonalds.

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u/curtcolt95 13d ago

I'm from Ontario and everyone I know calls it McDicks

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u/razzi42 13d ago

So... when someone says “eat a bag of McDicks” you’re talking about burgers n such there?

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u/Sharkbits 13d ago

Learned this a little bit ago. Apparently Mickey is a Canadian exclusive alcohol measurement slang? Like what? How do you all count your Vodka?

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u/hitchano 13d ago edited 13d ago

Vodka? Normally in shots. A Mickey is a flask sized bottle of liquor (375ml, ~13oz). Other Canadian drinking slang is a Caesar (Bloody Mary but with clam+tomato juice instead of just tomato juice), a Two Four (case of 24 beer), and a Two Six (750ml or ~26oz of liquor). Edit mistyped the Oz for a two six

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u/GregGolden6 13d ago

And if you don’t call a two-four a two-fer then you really ain’t Canadian

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u/Sharkbits 13d ago

Yeah, I know all those. Vancouver born and raised baby

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u/sitrucj 13d ago

I just assumed a Two Six was twenty six ounces. I have never thought to check that.

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u/4CrowsFeast 13d ago

What'er you talkin aboot bud?

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u/magic-tortiose 13d ago

Every Canadian lives in the gta the rest of Canada is a conspiracy

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u/WrongThinkBadBONK 13d ago

Literally every single Tim Horton’s from Windsor to Nunavut

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u/zvug 13d ago

Literally every Tim’s from Charlottetown to Yellowknife.

Sounds like you just haven’t been at a timmies in a while.

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u/bopp0 13d ago

You ain’t using the drive thru?

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u/ColdIron27 Nice meme you got there 13d ago

I loved timbits when I was small. My parents weren't well off at the time, but they would periodically get me some as a prize. I loved them so much lol. Still love them, but I moved away from New York to indiana, and they didn't have tim hortons there so...

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u/HaratoBarato 13d ago

Drive to Michigan just for timbits.

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u/ColdIron27 Nice meme you got there 13d ago

We went to cinncinati. Sadly, I am a minor at the mercy of my parents. Also, I live in mass now so that's not possible

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u/HaratoBarato 13d ago

Oh dang. I’m Canadian. Went to school in Michigan, but near the border of Illinois and Indiana. When I wanted my Timmies fix I would just drive a bit closer to the Canadian border.

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u/bestakroogen 13d ago

Yo I'm American so I've never had actual timbits but I looked them up, and they seem like what Americans call donut holes, except they look like they're made of different donut flavors (where donut holes are just made from the standard dough) and timbits have extra flavoring on them like sprinkles.

I never had a donut hole that was QUITE like what timbits seem to be but a donut hole is probably a good substitute for your standard flavor timbit if they're what they look like.

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u/AntSure 13d ago

They seem like they're just what that chain (Tim Hortons) calls donut holes. American chains do the same thing: Yum Yum calls them "yumsters", Dunkin' calls theirs "munchkins", etc. They also have different flavors.

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u/plantbbgraves 13d ago

There’s only three standard Timbits. The white ones, the chocolate ones, and the other ones. (Literally no idea what they are and I’ve been eating them my entire life.) Sometimes they do have special edition ones or whatever, but not always. Or, not that I can remember.

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u/bestakroogen 13d ago

The white ones, the chocolate ones, and the other ones.

My curiosity for a food has not been this intense since watching Codename Kids Next Door and hearing about ice creams mythical Fourth Flavor.

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u/Yinanization 13d ago

To me it is sour cream glazed and everything else.

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u/useribarelynoher 13d ago

LOL I just replied that before seeing this. Yeah basically pretty sure theyre just variations of donut holes.

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u/useribarelynoher 13d ago

When I looked it up they just look like donut holes. Are they supposed to be different?

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u/GrimEchidna 13d ago edited 13d ago

Oh yeah there’s tons, my favourite it the seasonal limit edition Chocolate Classic timbit with mint green glaze.

Classics: - Old fashion: plain Chocolate and Vanilla dough with powdered sugar - Old fashion with glazes: honey, vanilla, sour cream, chocolate - Jellies with powdered sugar: Raspberry, Blueberry (Rare) and Lemon (Rare) - Crullers: Honey dipped or Chocolate dipped

New Flavours: - Cakes: Birthday (vanilla with rainbow sprinkles), red velvet - Fritters: apple, blueberry, raspberries -sourdough: glazed

EDIT: This from the top of my head, other Canadians correct me if I’m missing some. Also price haven’t gone up, either still 13 cent each in my area.

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u/peterthefatman 13d ago

No that’s pretty much what they are. Raspberry filled ones though 😍

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u/[deleted] 14d ago

Why the ‘t’ gotta be wonky though

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u/memulousvonthoticous 14d ago

Ur right it aint very straight, gay even

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u/[deleted] 14d ago

It’s so bend it’s practically non-binary

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u/Entercheesynamehere Identifies as a Cybertruck 13d ago

It is straight

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u/RafikNinja 13d ago

Just on an angle

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u/Joeyramone1234 13d ago

This message was approved by the government of Canada

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u/memulousvonthoticous 13d ago

Doo doo dodoo

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u/Itsallstupid 13d ago

I heard that in my head

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u/TTC_Tokens 13d ago

I heard those small piano keys, as well

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u/the_lazy_cactus 14d ago

I HAVE THESE IN MY TIMMIES TOO

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u/memulousvonthoticous 14d ago

Imagine if we nickamed it hort's or horties lol. Also yea theyre dumb asf

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u/the_lazy_cactus 14d ago

Not as bad as my Wisconsin bf’s town, where they used a cow as an example but hey, wisconsinites and cheese

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u/RichestMangInBabylon 13d ago

Here in San Francisco I’ve seen the distance on a sign once measured as two seagulls fighting over a bread bowl. Whatever the locals know.

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u/memulousvonthoticous 14d ago

How tf is anyone supposed to know how long a cow is other than a dairy farmer. Also does anyone even know the length of a timbit

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u/the_lazy_cactus 14d ago

Looking at a Timbit, I’d say about an inch or maybe one and a half

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u/ForbiddenFajita- 13d ago

Approximately 1/23rd of a metre

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u/memulousvonthoticous 13d ago

So like 4cm?

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u/ForbiddenFajita- 13d ago

Yeah, that seems about right

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u/memulousvonthoticous 13d ago

Cool, i can officially say my dick is timbit sized, will fit perfectly in a girl's mouth

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u/JustinM16 13d ago

It looks so wrong to use metres but then use strange fractions instead of decimal notation. I get that's it's just 46tims/2m, but it's just jarring hahaha.

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u/OrbitalDrop7 13d ago

Ive heard some people say “Hortons”

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u/quinzr 13d ago

Non-canadian here wtf is a timbit

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u/krisppykream 13d ago

A donut that’s a little bigger than a toonie

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u/Reacher-Said-N0thing 13d ago

Oh boy I'll need a whole 355ml pop to wash that down. Right on bud.

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u/anitabonghit705 13d ago

Just 355? I prefer a litre of cola.

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u/custardgod 13d ago

Woah now that's a bit too much. How about a 710ml bottle instead

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u/Maximum-Low3742 13d ago

Non-american and non-canadian here wtf is a toonie?

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u/jayellkay84 13d ago

The original donut hole.

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u/I-rape-jesus 13d ago

Tim hortans is like the go to fast food chain, mostly for coffes and donuts or like small ball shaped donuts. They mostly exist in canada

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u/fng_acidic 13d ago

donut holes

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u/Lssjgaming 13d ago

So like Dunkin’s Munchkins?

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u/Johnoplata 13d ago

Sure your dirty mouth. Totally different animal.

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u/Hiyami 13d ago

God I miss chicken stew in a bread bowl so damn much....was the best item they sold when it was still a thing.....eating the stew then buttering the bread bowl after MMMMM god dammit.

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u/GaBBrr 13d ago

I mean I wouldn't call them "go to" anymore, they've fallen off a cliff in terms of quality.

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u/Maple-Whiskey 13d ago

They're everywhere, their drive through is fast, and sugar (à la double-double) is addictive. That's all they have going for them.

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u/Matterplay 13d ago

It's still "go-to" in most places outside of big cities.

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u/Mindstormman 13d ago

This is obviously the superior form of measurement

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u/Furry-alt-2709 13d ago

Bruh ik you say your height in feet dont lie

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u/memulousvonthoticous 13d ago

No i prefer beaver

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u/winnipeginstinct Loves GameStonk 13d ago

I am 0.7 moose tall, would you like me to specify in beaver, polar bear, or maple syrup?

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u/kdeshwal 13d ago

Where I live we use paddles, lobster, Donairs, sea buoys and canoes

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u/DrNapkin 13d ago

Halifax FTW

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u/kdeshwal 13d ago

Was it that obviously lol but yea halifax and NS is the best in fact the wholeeee east coast

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u/scottyb83 13d ago

Canadian measurements are honestly all over the place. We use imperial for a persons height and weigh, metric for driving and gas, cooking is a mix of both usually. Temperature outside is Celsius but when I take my temperature I only know it in Fahrenheit. Also distance from one place to another is based on time mostly ( work is about 30 min away for example).

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u/Suited99 13d ago

When the lockdown first started, the tim hortons near my house duct taped its debit/credit machine onto a hockey stick to keep a respectful distance.

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u/memulousvonthoticous 13d ago

Same with mine, the ingenuity of canadians

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u/Gargalhar 13d ago

They do that at the harveys around me

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u/NorbertTheEnderdrago 13d ago

The hell is a Timbit? Is it a candy, or…?

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u/memulousvonthoticous 13d ago

Theyre lil spheres of donut

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u/wibblywobbly420 Lives in a Van Down by the River 13d ago

A donut hole from Tim Hortons

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u/Sharkbits 13d ago

Nah, donut holes are timbits not from Tim’s

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u/Railroad_Riley 13d ago

Timothy Horton's testicles.

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u/R4nd0lphsWay 13d ago

Stand 1 John Mulaney apart people

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u/plantbbgraves 13d ago

You should specify that he is laying down.

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u/RollDBud 13d ago

Bravo, well done. Im proud of you.

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u/Face_Moist 13d ago

Timbits are really good, we have tim Hortons in Northern ny

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u/MrTacoTuesday35 13d ago

They were bought out by a Brazilian investment firm - and now are part of the same company as Popeyes and Burger King. They’ll likely be everywhere in another decade.

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u/Face_Moist 13d ago

They were bought?

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u/MrTacoTuesday35 13d ago

Yes. That’s why there’s a massive expansion of them all across the globe these days. The investment firm that owns them is super aggressive.

Though they have been bought out for a long long time now. They used to be part of the Wendy’s / Cold Stone Creamery team. You could even briefly get cold stone ice cream at Tim’s, and almost all the rest stop’s had Tim Hortons and Wendy’s paired together.

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u/gasquet12 13d ago

Haven’t lived in Canada for 20 years but I still miss Timbits!

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u/Horsepro123 Plays MineCraft and not FortNite 13d ago

I saw this at Tim’s the other day too. Made my day.

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u/cursingsum9 Plays MineCraft and not FortNite 13d ago

I posted something similar regarding cheese Coneys

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u/memulousvonthoticous 13d ago

Never heard of a cheese conney lol

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u/cursingsum9 Plays MineCraft and not FortNite 13d ago

It's more of an ohio thing

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u/memulousvonthoticous 13d ago

Ohio doesnt exist, cant fool me

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u/cursingsum9 Plays MineCraft and not FortNite 13d ago

Shit, you right.

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u/Joseph_Seed_ Nice meme you got there 13d ago

That’s... where I work

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u/memulousvonthoticous 13d ago

Are u required to know the length of a timbit

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u/Joseph_Seed_ Nice meme you got there 13d ago

Yes. And I can tell you with certainty that one timbit is exactly 1.2 inches. In diameter of course

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u/MadMartian47 13d ago

It’s still less complicated than the imperial measurement system

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u/PolarisT800 14d ago

It's true

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u/DarthRaichu77 Loves GameStonk 13d ago

I had this in an airport except it said “harley Davidson motorcycles and “Hershey kisses”

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u/Fkn_Gnarly 13d ago

How many timbits are in a freedom eagle?

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u/memulousvonthoticous 13d ago

Those r two different measurement systems, im not sure

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u/Happy_Trails4u 13d ago

The way they have been making their products smaller and smaller in size, what would that be? about a foot?

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u/SOSXrayPichu Thank you mods, very cool! 13d ago

46 timbits somehow measure as 6 feet?

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u/MrTacoTuesday35 13d ago

It’s 2 meters in Canada - so they’re assuming every Timbit is 43mm, or 1.73 inches - which is frankly far larger than any timbit I’ve encountered.

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u/RooDad 13d ago

I don't understand even 1 single thing about what I'm looking at

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u/Diredr 13d ago

Timbits are donut holes, little balls of fried dough with all the flavors and glazes you'd typically find on donuts. It's one of the specialties in the coffee shop chain called Tim Hortons, which is very popular in Canada.

In Canada, the guideline for social distancing is the same everywhere. It has to be 2 meters, or roughly 6 feet. So instead of saying that you have to stay 2 meters apart, since it's a given, they decided to be "cute" and use Timbits as a unit of measurement.

Hope that helps.

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u/Deltexterity 13d ago

im canadian and i use feet and meters. we're like a hybrid, i can interchange between metric and imperial, inches and feet for every-day things, and kilometers for longer distances. is that just me? or is this post just lying?

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u/AskMeAboutGrabon 13d ago

I would like to say on behalf of all Canadians that Tim Hortons fucking sucks.

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u/stubbzillaman 13d ago

How many football fields is this?

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u/The_Doctor_Bear 13d ago

Anythingbutmetric?

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u/Captnlunch 13d ago

I was expecting hockey pucks to be a unit of measurement.

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u/chuckycastle 13d ago

Please stand twelve “I’m sorrys” apart

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u/SomeGamingPotato 13d ago

Americans: Measure with Pizza

Bri'ish: Measure with Tea

Canadians: T i m b i t s

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u/Arcadius274 13d ago

In the last month i am finding out you really are america jr. Even blaming others im so proud

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u/memulousvonthoticous 13d ago

We try our best

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u/yourLocalCursedImage 14d ago

What is a "timbit"?

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u/HaxkID 14d ago

If you ever been to dunkin donuts its a "munchkin" i believe they call it there.

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u/memulousvonthoticous 14d ago

I answered in another comment, but theyre basically small spheres made of donut. Very popular cause theyre sold at tim hortons

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u/ouyin2000 13d ago

It's the hole from the donut

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u/hedgecore77 13d ago edited 13d ago

But that's a Brazilian company.

Edit: actually they were bought by rbi (us/Canadian) in 2014.

Editedit: 3G capital owns rbi...

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